WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
