Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
