...so i touched it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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