At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
