wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize