I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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