the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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