You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So here I am, sexting at work.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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