We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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