he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
