Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
