The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
