I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize