do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
