You're my little dorito
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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