Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
