I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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