3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
