Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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