How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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