Are we in a gay sports bar?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
