That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Randomize
