I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
