I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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