Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
