i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
