My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
