Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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