evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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