Please, let me fuck your mom
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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