The maid of honor just puked.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
