My girlfriend figured out who you are.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I love you. Go after that dick
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