So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
