This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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