I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize