Need sex. Gaining weight.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
