Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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