You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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