My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
