so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
