Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize