No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
