Screwed.edu
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
