i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
