i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
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