she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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