And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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