If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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