I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
