I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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