Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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