I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
