god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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