I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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