Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize