Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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