So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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