I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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