Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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