you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
