the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Every concussion has its silver lining
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
